East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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