he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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