I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
