I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
