I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
well you can't waste a boner
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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