I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sex in a hospital.. check
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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