The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
