i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
