Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
