We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
