Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
