Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
