We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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