he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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