No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
