OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize