fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
