I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Welp...herpes.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
