Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize