This is not my ceiling
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
