dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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