The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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