For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The power of my boobs compel you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
