Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
