What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
