You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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