Your face is a jimmy john
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
