i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
