I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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