i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize