My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
