I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
