My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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