I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
