I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
