Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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