Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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