i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
