I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
