I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
