just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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