I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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