My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
