the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sarcasm needs its own font
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
