I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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