Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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