Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
