I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
