Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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