I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
