under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
