Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize