my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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