i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
