The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wish I could teleport
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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