We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize