Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
