This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
