He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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