i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
