I want to walk on stilts...naked
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
