Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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