I think i sorta joined a cult last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
