Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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