Where is the hickey?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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