Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
