dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
