Porn is love you can see.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
