You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
