Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
