I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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