I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
